So today was a good day. I got up early, took my sister to the doctor, went and voted for the first time. Went to the church. Got to drive Sarah around in my car, which was so weird. Worked on signs for the Harvest Festival. Played with Zachary. Worked on signs for the Harvest Festival. Cut paper. Worked on signs for the Harvest Festival. Learned that painting really is therapeutic. Today was a good day. "Was" being the key word.
I come home tonight after 10 or so hours at the church to chaos. 4 adults, 4 people over the age of 30, live in my house. I come home to one sleeping, two out at a party, and one going insane. Like really insane. Like, "Holy crap, I feel like I'm going to throw up but I can't even go to the bathroom because I'm to afraid to leave my room" insane.
Threats. Alcohol. Shattered glass. Alcohol. Feeling abandoned. Alcohol. Fear. Tears. Alcohol.
This is my home. Home sweet home.
I hate being home.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Good Enough
I am good enough. Good enough for God. Good enough for my family. Good enough for my friends. Good enough just how I am, me. Not the things I do. I am loved for me, not for the things I do. The burden of the unsaved people in my life is no longer on my shoulders. It's no longer weighing me down. I refuse to believe the lies of "failure". No more will I be tired and weary. I will work out of His strength, and not my own.
You hear that, Wile E. Coyote. You plans have backfired. I will not be taken down. You can't have me anymore!
I AM good enough.
What an amazing service.
You hear that, Wile E. Coyote. You plans have backfired. I will not be taken down. You can't have me anymore!
I AM good enough.
What an amazing service.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Benefit for Lovely
Tired. Sick. Need sleep, but can't sleep. Sarah's benefit went well. Some of it was a little stressful, but it was only stressful because I made it so. Janelle was there. I was glad to see her, and she liked the puppet song, so that made me feel good. Amy was there too. My friend of a friend. Caitlin wants to make me look pretty for Christmas Eve. Okay, man. Whatever you want.
I think my favorite performance of the night was Carlee and Sarah at the end. April came over to me when it started and put her arm around me and whispered something in my ear. I won't share, because it's a Me-and-April moment, but I will share that April and I feel the same way about Sarah leaving. I realized that tonight.
This week hasn't been the best, but tonight made it better. Made me forget about the bad things of the week for a few hours, which was nice. I love my church family. I love knowing I have 10 moms. I love having friends who feel more like sisters. I love that when tables turn for the worse that the whole church pulls together and takes control; some even come from North Carolina on a Saturday to teach childrens church on Sunday.
PG, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. You will get through this. And know that your church family is here to help you in any way that you need.
Well, Lovely. Tonight was a success in my eyes. You are blessed. You are loved. And you will do great things for God's Kingdom. I'm honored to know someone who has such a high calling.
I learn to love my Jesus more and more each day. I'm still not at a place where I'm ready for Him to put me down and let me walk along side Him again, but I know He won't let me down until He knows I can stand on my own. I am so greatful to have a God that loves me like He does.
I think my favorite performance of the night was Carlee and Sarah at the end. April came over to me when it started and put her arm around me and whispered something in my ear. I won't share, because it's a Me-and-April moment, but I will share that April and I feel the same way about Sarah leaving. I realized that tonight.
This week hasn't been the best, but tonight made it better. Made me forget about the bad things of the week for a few hours, which was nice. I love my church family. I love knowing I have 10 moms. I love having friends who feel more like sisters. I love that when tables turn for the worse that the whole church pulls together and takes control; some even come from North Carolina on a Saturday to teach childrens church on Sunday.
PG, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. You will get through this. And know that your church family is here to help you in any way that you need.
Well, Lovely. Tonight was a success in my eyes. You are blessed. You are loved. And you will do great things for God's Kingdom. I'm honored to know someone who has such a high calling.
I learn to love my Jesus more and more each day. I'm still not at a place where I'm ready for Him to put me down and let me walk along side Him again, but I know He won't let me down until He knows I can stand on my own. I am so greatful to have a God that loves me like He does.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Conversations
This blog is going to be used as my prayer outlet. This is what seems more like conversation and less like prayer to me.
Jesus is all around me, whether I can see him, feel him, smell him, sense him, or not. I am so glad that through all my doubts and my worry and my fear, I still have faith enough to believe in the Footprints poem. I'm at a point in my life where there is only one set of footprints. He is carrying me. I know He is. I believe He is. I know He doesn't like to see me hurting, because when I hurt, He hurts. I'm not sure exactly what He wants me to do to get myself out of this rut that I'm in. But maybe that's it. Maybe it's not supposed to be me. Maybe I have to fully trust Him to take care of it. Maybe that's what He's waiting for. I don't know, and I wish I did. But I do know that God loves me enough to stick this out with me, that he won't give up on me, that He will surround me with people who will help me out and slap me in the face when I get stubborn and feel like not caring anymore.
I am God's Pearl. He's making me beautiful, one irritation at a time.
Jesus is all around me, whether I can see him, feel him, smell him, sense him, or not. I am so glad that through all my doubts and my worry and my fear, I still have faith enough to believe in the Footprints poem. I'm at a point in my life where there is only one set of footprints. He is carrying me. I know He is. I believe He is. I know He doesn't like to see me hurting, because when I hurt, He hurts. I'm not sure exactly what He wants me to do to get myself out of this rut that I'm in. But maybe that's it. Maybe it's not supposed to be me. Maybe I have to fully trust Him to take care of it. Maybe that's what He's waiting for. I don't know, and I wish I did. But I do know that God loves me enough to stick this out with me, that he won't give up on me, that He will surround me with people who will help me out and slap me in the face when I get stubborn and feel like not caring anymore.
I am God's Pearl. He's making me beautiful, one irritation at a time.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
