Well, this is a bit familiar...

Hello blog world! Man, I can't remember the last time I even thought about my blog, let alone posted on it. I wonder if anyone actually still visits this. If so, here is your warning. Nothing is off limits on this blog And I plan on writing about everything. Good, bad. Happy, sad. Mostly good and happy, though. Things that will make me smile when I come back in 3 years and read my blog. If you plan on joining me on this wild ride, I suggest you strap in tight. =)

Hello Old Friend

I'm not so sure who reads this here blog anymore. I'm kinda hoping nobody does. This way I can really use this as an outlet, and have no fear of anyone seeing it. Not that I have anything to hide, really. But sometimes, it's just nice to get things out there without really getting them out there, you know? So I suppose this post is a test to see who actually reads my blog anymore. Hope all is well in the blogger world. Peace.

Technology Assignment

So, I've been shopping around for a new camera, since my old one decided to die on me after 4 years of faithful picture taking. Rest in peace, Nikon Coolpix.

After much looking around and investigating, I believe I've decided on this one:




The Nikon D5000 Digital SLR Camera

With it's innvoative Vari-angle monitor, I'll be able to take beautiful pictures! And with the Live View shooting feature, I'll be able to see my photograph right after I take the picture. The coolest thing about this Nikon is it's D-movie function, which allows me to record a video...in HD! The Nikon D5000 comes with a 18-55 mm lens, for optimum zoom action. A brand new one costs $495. Well, I'll be saving for this for a while, but, it'll be worth it!

Go On, Tell Me...

So yes, this is a song about a love relationship gone bad, where she realizes he's a jerk, yaddah yaddah. But tonight, I'm dedicating this to my family.

Tell Me Why - Taylor Swift


Can you tell I'm having a rough night?

Overflowing..

Anger has built up so much, I'm full to the brim. I'm just gonna type. Let the chips fall where they may.

Salty taste in my mouth, where's it coming from? Haven't been to the beach. I hate the beach. I don't swim in the river, it smells bad. Where is this salt taste coming from? My face it wet. With the same salty concoction. But why. Oh wait, I get it. The salty liquid is coming from my eyes. But why? What it causing these eyes to burst with tears? What is that I smell? Oh no. No no no no no. Stop, make it STOP! NOT AGAIN! God, why. You promised. You told me. How is this gonna get better now? Who am I supposed to turn to now? You moved my wall, my rock. Now I'm falling and there's no one there to catch me. The slurred words. The empty bottles. Strangers who aren't really strangers. That blank, placid look on her face. What does it remind me of? A stone. How ironic. All of these elements kicking, Kicking me while I'm down. The remarks cut open newly-healed scars ike razor blades. "They use you." "If you don't like it, then move out." "Your friends are wrong." God, why are you letting this happen!!! Please, Lord. I'm asking You to make it stop. You said if we ask we will recieve. Well I'm asking. Begging, Please, make it stop. I don't know what to do. My efforts are wasteful. Nobody hears my point. Nobody cares. They don't care. Lord. It hurts. Daddy, make it stop. It's only a matter of time before it hurts to breathe again. Before this salty liquid clouds my eyes so much I can't see. Before my brain refuses to respond to anything, including pain, and I become a zombie again, only moving when I have to. I don't want to be like that again. But you know what. I'm tired of fighting it. I'm tired of asking. I'm tired of trying to fix it. I'm just plain tired. I don't want to deal with it. Give me the broom and let me sweeo this pain under the rug that I call "Smile" or "Mask". I'm sorry, God. I give up. I can't try this anymore.It's not working. I can't let this be my problem anymore. Please, Lord. Get me out of here. Take me home. A different home. Not this home. Not with these things, not with these people. Too many memories, too many scars that are dangerously close to the razor blade. It hurts to much to fight it when they are just going to get ripped open anyway. Distract me, Lord. I don't want to turn my back on you. But this is too difficult. Maybe you'll hear if your prayer warriors ask. My voice is tired of asking. Do what you will, and I'll do my best to honor it.

Time's Up

"You have 60 days to be out."

I hate those words. On the move again. Even though we are moving literally walking distance away, it still sucks. It's not our house anymore. No more writing on the walls, all the rooms are white and plain. It's huge, though. And I get to stay in the same house at the same church and the same job. My siblings are at the same schools. I'm so thankful for that. I'm going to miss this house though. My yellow, marker colored walls will be painted over, new carpet will cover the drawings on my floor. Memories will be covered up. I will miss this house, living on Ocean Cove.

Tomorrow is the first night in my new house. I won't be driving here after work. I'll be driving over there. I'll be in yet another home. I'm really trying to be grateful that I'm in the same town, that God has blessed me with that. It'll just take some adjusting to.

Next week is Spring Break...which means a 20-hour work week for me, and a 3 day weekend! And then the next weekend is Fine Arts. So excited!

I love my job. It's amazing. God couldn't have given me a better job at this point in my life.

Loving life at the moment. I pray it stays like this forever!

You Found Me

"Where were you when everything was falling apart?
Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor, surrounded, surrounded.
Why'd you have to wait? Where were you, where were you?
Just a little late, you found me, you found me.
Why'd you have to wait to find me?"

I think I pretty much just figured out why I can never say no to people...
Because if I say no, they might stop asking me to do stuff all together, and I don't want that. I just don't want this load by myself. I have so much I was asked to do and not enough time to do it. It's so overwhelming. And I can't say no now, because I already said yes. And if I don't do it, that's more everyone else has to do. Everyone else who has a job or school. I feel like such a bum, such a failure, so rejected, because I can't find a freaking job. Out of all the applications I've filled out, I've had 1 interview. I feel so bad. I'm so stressed out, for what? Nothing...I shouldn't have to do all this myself. I should just learn to man up and say no.

"Why'd you have to wait to find me?"